I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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