how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I looked at my own cervix.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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