I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
