Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
