I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
