this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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