pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
