I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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