Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
