I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
