so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
