I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
