I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
