it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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