i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
