she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
