i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
