I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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