we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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