He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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