Soap is not a condiment
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
