You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
