eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
