He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
