Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
lol hangovers are for mortals.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
