my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
