my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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