Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
