And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
