for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
