There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
