hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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