you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
