he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
