Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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