This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
