He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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