i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
