if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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