I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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