How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
