y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
