You really coming over, don't trick.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
