He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
