I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
