If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
