I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
