Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
