i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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