After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
