so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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